WANTED: New bed must sleep 6

I never thought I would hear myself say that a California King bed just isn't big enough but it's starting to feel that way. Although the boys have their own beds, I sometimes find myself waking up in the mornings, clinging to one side of the bed in a position that cannot possibly be good for my back. As I look around the bed, I see that all of the boys have joined us during the night and take some comfort in seeing that my husband is clinging to the other side of the bed in his own contorted mess.

It is amazing to me that the boys are able to get a good night sleep as they ultimately pile together like puppies, rolling around and shifting for comfort and always providing Jax with enough space so that he is able to stretch out with a good 6 inch perimeter around him at all times.

This event doesn't happen every night and there is actually something quite comforting about waking up with the 5 most important parts of your heart all within your grasp. It tugs at your heartstrings until of course you hear Myles saying "Thomas moooove off of my head" followed by adjustments all around and a quick "thank you" from Myles who can now breathe again.

This nocturnal gathering of siblings is not without its hazards. Each of the boys has suffered the consequences of laying perpendicular to mom and dad and found themselves rudely awakened by the hardwood floor that does little to cradle their fall. But in the Tan house it truly is every man for himself and so far no one has landed on their head - knock wood!

As the boys get older these moments are going to disappear and I can't help but treasure them more and more. But I sure would appreciate it if someone could make a large enough bed that allowed me to enjoy these moments without the need of chiropractic services the following day.

Therapy Jars

On the top shelf of my pantry I have 4 mason jars. There is one jar for each child and currently each jar does contain some money. You might think that these jars are where allowances are kept but that would not be a correct assumption. I lovingly refer to these jars as therapy jars.

The premise is quite simple. Each boy has his own jar. On the days when my parenting skills have been lacking and not quite up to snuff, a contribution is made to the appropriate jar. On the days when I know I've rocked as a mom, I've removed money from the appropriate jar (not all money, just a little). My theory is that when the boys grow up and are looking for someone to blame for all of their troubles, my husband and I will be the likely targets. I will calmly go to the pantry and pull down the appropriate jar and give it to my son, letting him know that I had anticipated this day long long ago. Based on my goal to self monitor my parenting skills, if there is quite a bit of money in the jar, I obviously had a few more bad days than good. If there are minimal dollars in the jar, I hit the mark more days than not.

Before giving my child his jar, I will hug him and look him in the eye as I remind him how much I love him. Once the jar is in his hands, he is the individual responsible for his happiness and peace of mind. Hopefully my contribution to his enlightenment will be appreciated - or at the very least will pay for an In & Out Double Double w/ shake & fries.

Reasoning with Myles

Myles - Mommy, I want a baby sister.

Mommy - I want a little boy who picks up his room and doesn't make a mess.

Myles - So you're saying no to the baby sister?

What Happened to the TP roller?

While cleaning up the downstairs bathroom my husband noticed that the TP roller was missing from the TP holder. The call went out..."who has been playing with the TP roller?" (Seriously, is this a question you ever consider having to hear yourself utter in life?)

The responses came swiftly...

John Thomas "It wasn't me but I think Hunter had it."
Hunter "Nooooo, uh uh, Moles, Moles, Moles"
Myles (having been implicated by his little brother and feeling it was time to face the music) "Oh yeah, I was playing with it and forgot to put it back."

Where do you begin with that? It's not like the boys don't have tons of toys - everything from Legos to Bakugan & Transformers and yet Myles feels the need to take a TP roller and transform it into some sort of weapon? It's like having a pint sized MacGyver.

Although I anticipated the typical response, I asked the question anyway..."Myles, what were you thinking?" to which he responded with a straight face, "I thought the spring action on the TP roller would help put more spin on my marbles." I explained that moving forward he would need to find a different way to add spin to his marbles to which he responded "Not a problem Mom, Thomas took the handle off the mop and I think that will be a lot more better."

I should know by now that no response from Myles is typical.

Can you do me a favor?

Manners are extremely important to me. Not just the please and thank yous but the "Yes M'am" and "No Sir" to a child's elders or holding the door open for someone, especially a lady and especially an elderly person.

Now I can't be responsible for everyone else's children but I am going to be responsible for mine and I will be eternally grateful if on my tombstone it reads...

Traci Dalke
Beloved wife and mother.
She loved us lots and taught her boys manners.

That might sound a little warped and perhaps it's a discussion for a post for another day but back to the business at hand.

While I can appreciate the gesture, one of my largest challenges in teaching manners in a real world environment is the response of other adults. If I see one of the boys do something (i.e. cut in front of someone at a buffet) I make it a point to tell them that they need to apologize to the person and step back. 9 times out of 10, when they go to apologize, the adult responds "That's ok." But it's not ok. It's not ok for my kids to think that they can cut in front of someone or that they can reach over you to grab the bread from the bread basket. It's not ok for kids to be so focused on themselves that they don't recognize and acknowledge what is going on around them. They turn into adults who do the same thing and once this happens, we've just added another "self absorbed, all about me" individual to the human race and really, don't we have enough of them already?

I can appreciate that the adult's intentions are well meaning, but if by chance one of my kids missteps and comes back to apologize, can you do me a favor and simply say "Thank you for apologizing, I appreciate that you realized your error". I know I would certainly appreciate it and you would be doing a mother a big favor.

Sometimes I love you Mommy is really just an I love you Mommy

I've always had pretty good radar when it comes to B.S. Having boys has helped develop my radar to top of the line detection. I'm always a little skeptical when one of the boys, especially the older two, come along with an "I love you Mommy". I immediately ask questions...."what have you done?", "where are your brothers?", "did something break?"...you get the picture.

John Thomas has never been an overly affectionate child so when he comes towards me with his arms open wide, my defenses immediately go up. Myles on the other hand has always been very affectionate and he can look at you with the sweetest, most adorable face as he basically lies through his teeth. Myles also thinks that as long as he says he's sorry, then the deed should be forgiven automatically - no questions asked, no punishment necessary.

Hunter, while still innocent, has a look that he takes on when he knows he's crossed a line and done something he shouldn't. He's now at the stage where he doesn't need help climbing the cabinets to get to the play-dough. But unlike Myles who is smart enough to close all the drawers and remove evidence of his sins, Hunter leaves everything out so even Barney Fife wouldn't have trouble gathering evidence to convict.

At 10 1/2 months, Jax is my little observer. He watches and waits for his brothers to get into trouble. It's as though he has worked it out with his older siblings. I can only imagine the conversation....

John Thomas - Ok Jax, if for some reason she starts yelling and you see us run or start to cry, thats your cue.

Jax - Got it. Mom gets mad. I look cute and anger is diverted. She picks me up to hug and forgets that you just spilled the juice on the floor that was just mopped. I can do that.

But every once in awhile I'll have one of them come up to me and put their arms around me and hug me tightly with a big I love you. When I ask what was that for, I'll get a just because and I'm ok with that.

I make it a habit to tell each of the boys how much I love them on a daily basis and the usual response is either "yeah, I know" or "ok". The one exception to this is Myles...

Mommy - Do you know how much I love you?
Myles - More than ice cream?
Mommy - More than ice cream and cake!
Myles - That's alot of love cause you really like ice cream and cake.

Myles has always been my little communicator and sometimes the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes him sound like a 70 year old man instead of a 5 year old little boy and this little exchange has become "our thing." I love "our thing."

I have only just begun this journey known as motherhood and while I know that there will be many twists and turns along the way, I also know that by making sure the boys know that they are well loved, it will be easier for all of us to overcome those future obstacles. It also helps to forgive the latest work of art added to my wall courtesy of a 2 year old with a purple crayon.

Back to School Shopping with the Boys

A few weeks ago I must have had a psychotic break because I willingly took John Thomas & Myles with me to go shopping for back to school clothes. In theory the plan was simple: get in and hit 2 key department stores having solid sales, grab a few things and be out within an hour, 2 max. Reality, unlike theory, tends to throw a few unplanned variables into the equation.

The first store I focused on John Thomas and allowed input and suggestions as I pointed out prices and talked about how there really isn't a need for any human being to have 10 shirts of the same color. And for the most part John Thomas was pretty easy going. Myles, who I must acknowledge has his own sense of style, was jonesing for me to focus my attention on him. After a couple of "criss cross applesauce" announcements in which Myles actually listened and plopped on the floor to wait for me, I could tell that we were headed in the direction of meltdown and I needed to act quick.

I gathered my items and went to stand in line, instructing both boys to sit in the chair. The chair of course, which was placed right next to a huge gumball machine. Can I just take a moment to ask who the genius in the store is that thought "hey, lets put a big gumball machine in the children's clothing section of the store....I bet parents will really appreciate it." WRONG.

So now, in addition to having to consistently say, "sit down, I'll be done in a moment" I also had to add into the mix, "No, I don't have any change for a gumball" or "No you're going to ruin your dinner."

I now have fidgeting boys, an unattainable item within arms length that they must look at but not touch and then to top it all off and complete the trifecta, the saleslady who was just a bit too personable as she turned into Chatty Cathy while slowly scanning my items. I smiled and attempted to show my appreciation to her detail but I really didn't need to be sold on why I was getting a good deal on Billabong swim trunks at 60% off. Somehow God must have taken pity on me because just when I thought all hope was lost, she handed me my receipt and the boys quietly walked over to help with the bags. Myles looked up at me and said, "Now it's my turn, right Mommy?" and off we went.

Shopping with Myles is more challenging than John Thomas. John Thomas' philosophy about clothing is basically, less is more but I'll wear what you put out. Myles however has an opinion about his clothes. He knows what he likes and doesn't like and he has no problem sharing his opinion with you. Where as I only really needed John Thomas to try on one or two items for sizing, Myles asked to try on stuff. And more than once I heard from him, "I look good". The look on John Thomas' face was priceless. He rolled his eyes and shook his head at his brother's obvious state of self admiration.

Finally nearly 4 hours later I was able to get out of the store with my sanity barely in tact, having come to the conclusion that unless I'm shopping for shoes for the boys, I'm going it alone.