Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Scuze butt just burped

John & I work hard to raise the boys to be polite, respectful and courteous to others. Of course, 9 times out of 10 we don't personally get to witness this behavior. I lost count of the times I have had to personally prompt a "thank you" or a "you're welcome" at home only to overhear the boys use their manners out in public and have someone come up to me and say "you have such polite young men" as I gawk, barely able to utter a thank you myself.

Ironically, the only time I'm guaranteed to get a "Pardon me" or "Excuse me" is when it comes to passing gas or as Myles so eloquently christened it at the age of 2 "butt burps".

One moment that clearly stands out in my mind where there was a meeting of the polite and flatulence was Jackson's christening.

8 families baptized children that day and as we walked down the aisle, towards the front of the church where we would sit I looked at my handsome young men walking with their heads up, not touching one another or fidgeting; seemingly so mature I thought what a wonderful ceremony this will be. As John and I stepped into the pew towards the very front of the church the boys began their usual "I want to sit next to mommy." For the record, they're only passionate about sitting next to mommy if the other one shows interest in sitting next to mommy.

John and I gave our bests "you better sit down right now or I'm going to ring your necks" look that we could muster in front of the congregation and priest and as Myles not so gently pushed his way in front of me I heard a sound that made me want to disappear. It wasn't a quiet, delicate queef. Oh no, the sound coming from Myles had legs and as he moved by me and slid along the pew, the echo effect seemed to reverberate around me, much to my dismay.

I looked up to see Myles looking at me with his big brown eyes and a smile from ear to ear as he said "Scuze me Mom, my butt burped." I responded with a terse "Shhh" and looked to his father for help, but that was a lost cause as John could barely contain his giggles. The giggling seemed infectious as within seconds John Thomas and Hunter were also laughing, as were the men and boys sitting behind us and in front of us. The women surrounding me of course had one of two looks on their faces: that of sympathy (as in we are part of a sisterhood of women who will never understand the humor of that act) or that of utter contempt (as in what on earth is wrong with your child that he does that in public).

As I told the boys to settle down and asked Myles to knock it off, he calmly leaned over and said "Mom, grandma always says there's more room on the outside then there is on the inside and now my insides are empty."

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